How to make friends as an adult (the honest guide)

When you were younger, friendships happened automatically. Same school, same street, same schedule. As an adult those automatic structures disappear, and suddenly connection requires effort you were never taught to make.

Research by sociologist Robin Dunbar shows that close friendships require roughly 200 hours of shared time to form. In adulthood, finding those hours demands deliberate action rather than waiting for proximity to do the work.

Proximity, repetition, and low-pressure interaction. You need to encounter the same person more than once, in a setting that does not feel like a job interview.

This is why hobby-based groups work so well for adult friendships. An activity provides structure and a shared topic of conversation, which removes the awkward "so what do we talk about?" problem from the first meeting.

You do not need to bond deeply on day one. You just need a reason to show up again next week.

The most reliable way to meet people as an adult is to join a recurring group activity. Not a networking event, not a one-off party. Something that happens weekly and brings the same people back.

Pick something you genuinely enjoy: padel, hiking, book clubs, improv classes, coding meetups, language exchanges. The activity is an excuse to be around people regularly. The friendship is what grows between sessions.

If the activity also involves a small physical challenge or creative effort, even better. Shared experiences that require some focus tend to create stronger bonds faster.

After two or three sessions you will start recognising faces. This is when most people stop, because taking the next step feels vulnerable. It is not.

Suggest a simple extension: coffee after the run, a drink after the game, or tacos after the hike. One-to-one or small group hangouts outside the main activity are where acquaintances become actual friends.

Use an app like Social to keep plans visible and easy to join. The lower the friction to say yes, the more likely it happens.